How to Make Friends in San Diego Who Share Your Interests
The weather's perfect, the beach is right there and you still have nobody to text. How to find a friend in San Diego who's into what you're into.
Team Alyke
You can have a very good life in San Diego and still eat your fish tacos alone. The water is right there, and the people you've met so far are on a two-year lease, a set of orders or a vacation that ends Sunday. “We should hang out” gets said a lot here and scheduled rarely.
You want one person who'd text “low tide at seven?” and mean it. Here's how to find that person.
What turns a beach acquaintance into a friend
Everyone here is laid-back, which tells you nothing about who you'll click with. What does: the person who also wants to be in the water before work, or who rates brewery flights out of ten. A friendship that lasts needs two things lined up, a personality that suits yours and interests you'd each pick anyway.
Psychologists Angela Bahns and Chris Crandall found that people choose friends who are already like them and barely change each other afterward. You won't talk someone into liking what you like; you find the one who already does.
Why San Diego is lonelier than it looks
A 2018 UC San Diego study of county residents aged 27 and up found that three-fourths reported moderate to high loneliness, and that it ran especially high in the late 20s. Nationally, one adult in five felt lonely for much of the previous day.
The city keeps turning over, too: about one in seven residents moved here in the past year, so plenty of people are new and waiting for someone to suggest tacos.
Three places to find them, on and off the beach
Clean a beach with the regulars
Surfrider San Diego runs up to six public beach cleanups a month, about two hours each, including Ocean Beach on the first Saturday. Register online first. Two hours of bottle caps beside someone is longer than most first conversations, and the regulars come back monthly.
Sign up for a YMCA league on your own
The YMCA of San Diego County runs adult basketball, soccer, softball and volleyball and takes individual sign-ups. A season of one weeknight with strangers, and by game three you'll know who's still talking in the parking lot. That's who you ask to grab tacos.
Join a library book club that meets at night
The San Diego Public Library runs monthly book clubs, several after work, like Kensington's on the fourth Monday at 6 p.m. It asks for a book a month and an opinion out loud, and a room where everyone finished the same book is the easiest room to talk in.
All three work if you give them a season and go first. To start from the other end, with one person who's already into the same things, there's a shorter path.
The easiest way to meet a friend who's already into your thing
Alyke is built to help you find intentional friends, one person at a time. Most friend apps hand you generic recommendations. Alyke starts your feed with the people who share your vibe the most, based on your interests and personality instead of your looks. That's what makes it the easy route: you skip the season of Saturdays spent finding the one person on the beach who thinks like you; that's who you meet first.
You choose interests, each with a line of your own, Beer, say, with how you rate a flight. Reply to someone's line; that's the friend request. If the vibe's right on their end, you're friends, and the chat picks up under that line; by message three you're arguing about the sour one.
Move a lot? Alyke Pro's state filter helps; Pro also narrows by personality, interest, language, ethnicity or star sign.
Questions people ask
How do you make friends in San Diego when people keep moving away?
Focus on one-on-one friendships built around something you both love, and keep a habit of regular calls so a move doesn't end them. Keep adding new people too, since about one in seven residents moved here in the past year. Alyke helps you keep meeting people as your circle changes by showing you new people who share your interests.
Is there a friend app for meeting people one-on-one?
Yes, Alyke is built for one-on-one friendship and shows you profiles one person at a time, starting with the people whose personality and interests are most like yours. To add someone as a friend, you comment on something in their profile, like their Beaches interest or a prompt answer, and if they like your vibe, your chat begins.
How many hangouts does it take to become friends?
Roughly 25 two-hour hangouts to become casual friends, based on research from the University of Kansas that puts it at about 50 hours together. Weekly, that's around six months; twice a week, about three. On Alyke, you start from interests you already share with someone, like Beaches or Mexican Food, so you know what your first hangouts could be.
Is there an app for military spouses to make friends in San Diego?
Alyke is a friendship app for iPhone that military spouses in San Diego can use to make friends one-on-one around shared interests, soon after a move. Your feed opens with the people most like you, and you reach out by leaving a comment on their profile. A verified badge shows who has confirmed their phone number and photos. Add interests you can enjoy anywhere, like Coffee or Beaches, so plans travel with you to the next duty station.
How do you find friends in San Diego who share your interests?
Alyke helps you find friends in San Diego who share your interests by starting your feed with the people who have the most in common with you. Each profile shows up to eight interests, like Beaches, Mexican Food or Camping, and you comment on one to send a friend request. Alyke Pro adds filters for interests and state. Answer "Two truths and a lie:" on your profile, since it's an easy prompt to comment on.
Can you keep your Alyke friends if you move away from San Diego?
Yes, your Alyke friends and chats stay with you if you move away from San Diego, so a friendship doesn't have to end with a transfer. Every chat keeps the comment that started it, which makes it easy to pick back up. Alyke Pro's state filter also lets you look for people in the state you're moving to. Start chatting there a couple of weeks before you arrive, and set a monthly call with friends you leave.
Sources
- UC San Diego Health, via Newswise. Serious loneliness spans the adult lifespan but there is a silver lining, 18 Dec 2018.
- Gallup. Daily loneliness afflicts one in five in U.S., Oct 2024.
- U.S. Census Bureau, American Community Survey 2024, via Census Reporter: San Diego, CA.
- KU News. Study finds our desire for like-minded others is hard-wired, Feb 2016, on Bahns and Crandall, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- Surfrider Foundation San Diego County. Beach cleanups.
- YMCA of San Diego County. Adult sports.
- San Diego Public Library. Book clubs.
