How to Start a Conversation With Someone New, With Examples
The person next to you probably wants to talk too. These openers get you past hello and on to a plan.
Team Alyke
You're at the pottery class, or in a party kitchen where you only know the host, and the person beside you seems great. You've drafted a few openers in your head, and none has made it out loud.
You want a first line that doesn't sound rehearsed and a way to turn it into a real conversation. That takes less charm than you'd think: something to talk about and a couple of good questions. Here they are.
What makes a conversation with someone new click?
The easiest conversations start from something you already share: an interest, the class you're both early for, the band on their tote bag. It beats the weather, and there's more to ask about.
Whether it keeps going depends on personality: fast banter or slow and deep. When your pace and humor fit, ten minutes feels like two. A study of classmates who had just met found future friends already similar at the outset, so trust that early click.
Why does talking to someone new feel so awkward?
If you replay every word on the way home, you're in good company. After five-minute chats, strangers guessed their partner liked them less than the partner did, a liking gap that lasted months among college roommates.
Commuters also underestimated how much others wanted to connect, then enjoyed the ride more when they chatted. With a fifth of U.S. adults lonely for much of any given day, the person beside you may be hoping you'll say hi.
What to say first: openers for real situations
Point at what you share, then hand them an easy question.
| Say this | Why it works | |
|---|---|---|
| At a class or club | “First time too, or are you secretly great at this?” | Admits you're new, and both answers flatter them. |
| In a coffee line | “What's good here? I always panic-order the same thing.” | Easy to answer, and your confession invites teasing. |
| At a party, knowing only the host | “How do you know Maya? I'm from her terrible volleyball team.” | The host is your link, and the detail begs a follow-up. |
| Spotting a book you've heard of | “Honest review: is the ending worth it?” | Shows the shared interest and asks their take. |
| Texting after you've met | “Still thinking about your taco ranking. Test your top two this week?” | A callback that turns into a plan. |
How do you keep the conversation going?
Once they answer, get curious. People who ask more questions, follow-ups above all, are better liked by the people they talk to. “Wait, how did you get into that?” beats a new topic.
Then share something back, a level deeper than feels safe. In 12 experiments, strangers underestimated how interested their partners would be in learning about them. If small talk drains you, that's your opening (more on making friends as an introvert).
Suggest a plan before the talk winds down, tied to what you discussed: “The studio has an open night Thursday. Want to come?” Need one? Borrow from these first hangout ideas.
All of this works, and it takes nerve: you're guessing at what you share and making the first move. A simpler route starts with a person who already loves what you love.
The easiest way to start: reply to something they love
Alyke is built to help you find intentional friends, one person at a time. Most friend apps hand you generic recommendations. Alyke starts your feed with the people who share your vibe the most, based on your interests and personality instead of your looks. It's the easiest way to start, because the shared thing you'd hunt for in a coffee line is already on their profile, beside their personality.
Every profile shows a few interests, each with a line in the person's own words. Reply to one to add them, and your reply is the hello. Once they like your vibe, it's official: you're friends, and the talk carries on from a topic they picked.
Questions people ask
What should your profile say so people start the conversation?
Give people something easy to respond to, like a specific detail, a mild opinion or a question. "I've ranked every taco truck on my street" is much easier to answer than "I love food." On Alyke, each interest you add to your profile can have a short line about it, and anyone who comments on that line is sending you a friend request, so a specific line gives people an easy way in.
How do you make conversation if small talk drains you?
Skip the general questions and ask about one thing the other person clearly cares about, then share something real back. One good question about their hobby goes further than ten about the weather. Alyke lets you start in writing, at your own pace: you send a friend request by commenting on one of the other person's interests or prompt answers, so the chat begins on a topic they chose.
What's a good first plan after a good conversation?
Suggest something connected to what you talked about, for an hour or two, on a specific day. If you bonded over ramen, name the ramen place and a time. On Alyke, a profile can list up to eight interests, like Sushi, Bowling or Thrifting, so if one plan doesn't work for the other person, you already have other ideas ready.
Is there an app that makes it easier to start conversations with new people?
Alyke is a friendship app for iPhone where every conversation starts with something the other person shared, so you never have to open with "hey." To add someone as a friend, you comment on one of their interests or prompt answers, such as their reply to "My most controversial food opinion:". When they like your vibe, the chat opens with your comment. Pick the detail you're most curious about and ask about it.
How do you start a conversation with someone online without it being awkward?
Alyke's answer is to respond to something specific the person shared instead of sending a generic hello. On an Alyke profile, you'll find interests with a short sentence each and prompt answers, which are short questions people answer about themselves, like "Two truths and a lie:". Comment on one with a genuine question or a playful guess. If you're stuck, Alyke also suggests openers, such as "Prove it."
How do conversations start on Alyke?
On Alyke, every conversation starts with a comment on someone's profile. You choose one part of their profile, like an interest or a prompt answer, and write a comment, which sends your friend request. When they like your vibe, you become friends, and the chat opens with your comment at the top, so you both remember how it started. Ending your comment with a question makes it easier for them to reply.
Sources
- KU News. Study finds our desire for like-minded others is hard-wired, Feb 2016, on Bahns and Crandall, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- Association for Psychological Science. You probably made a better first impression than you think, 10 Sep 2018, on Boothby, Cooney, Clark and Sandstrom, Psychological Science.
- Chicago Booth. Mom was wrong: you should talk to strangers, 17 Jul 2014, on Epley and Schroeder, “Mistakenly seeking solitude,” Journal of Experimental Psychology: General.
- Gallup. Daily loneliness afflicts one in five in U.S., Oct 2024.
- Huang, Yeomans, Brooks, Minson and Gino (2017). It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3). Harvard DASH.
- American Psychological Association. Getting beyond small talk: Study finds people enjoy deep conversations with strangers, 30 Sep 2021, on Kardas, Kumar and Epley, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
