How to Make Friends as an Adult, According to Research
Making friends as an adult can feel like luck. Research says it follows a pattern, and you can start it this week.
Team Alyke
Somewhere after school, friendship stopped happening on its own. You like your coworkers, the group chat still pings, and on a free Saturday there's nobody obvious to call. Everyone else seems to have found their people years ago.
What you want is simple: a few friends you see in person, who get you without much explaining. Researchers have studied how adults get there, and the path is clearer than it feels. Here it is, step by step.
What makes adult friendships form and last?
Two things, mostly: the right person and enough time. A study that followed students over time found shared interests and personality traits mattered most for keeping friendships going, so the right person likes what you like and fits how you are.
Time is the other half. Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas found it takes about 50 hours together to become casual friends and more than 200 to get close (more on how long it takes to make a friend). With someone who fits, those hours are the fun part.
How many adults are looking for friends?
If you're starting over, you have company. In a national survey, 12% of Americans said they had no close friends, four times the 1990 share. Yet 46% had made a new friend within 12 months, and among young adults it was 56%, so plenty of people are open to someone new. More in these adult loneliness facts.
Where do adults meet their close friends?
The places Americans met a close friend share one thing.
| Met a close friend there | What it gave them | |
|---|---|---|
| Work | 54% | Same people, every weekday |
| School | 47% | Years of unplanned time |
| Through friends | 40% | A warm introduction |
| Neighborhood | 35% | Running into each other |
| Place of worship | 21% | A weekly ritual |
| Club or organization | 19% | A shared interest, weekly |
| Online | 8% | A start, if you then meet |
Most top spots put you near the same people again and again, unplanned. Adult life stops doing that, so rebuild it around something you love (here's the full ranking of where to meet new friends).
How to make friends as an adult, step by step
Pick one weekly thing built around an interest
A class, a league or a volunteer shift works if it repeats, since that's how the hours add up. If crowds drain you, read how to make friends as an introvert.
Keep showing up for two months
Groups help you meet people; one-on-one time turns them into friends (see one-on-one vs group).
Turn a familiar face into a plan
After a first chat, people like you more than you think, so ask. These help: how to start a conversation, how to turn an acquaintance into a friend and first hangout ideas.
Keep it going
People appreciate a check-in more than senders expect, so text first. Here's how to keep adult friendships going.
Starting from a specific moment? Read how to make friends after moving, how to make friends after college, how to make friends in your 30s or how to make friends when you work remotely.
It works, though it takes two months of showing up and the nerve to ask. If you'd like to begin with someone who already fits, there's a quicker start.
The easiest way to find a friend who fits
Alyke is built to help you find intentional friends, one person at a time. Most friend apps hand you generic recommendations. Alyke starts your feed with the people who share your vibe the most, based on your interests and personality instead of your looks. It's the easiest way in because it starts with the part that takes longest: finding someone you click with.
You pick the interests you could talk about for hours, with a line on each (these friendship profile tips help). When someone's line makes you want to reply, you comment, and that's your request. Once they like your vibe back, you're friends, with your comment at the top of the chat.
Questions people ask
What makes a friendship app work for adults?
Profiles with real detail, one-on-one chats, and moving from chatting to meeting in person within a week or two. After that, it needs regular time together like any friendship. Alyke is a friendship app built for exactly this: it starts you with people who share your interests and personality, and every friend request is a comment on part of their profile, such as an interest they added, so your chat begins with a real topic.
Which app is best for making friends as an adult?
Most adults want a few close friends rather than a big crowd, and Alyke is built for exactly that. It shows you the people whose interests and personality are closest to yours first, every member verifies their phone number and photos, and you add someone by commenting on something in their profile, so your first chat is about something you share. See how it compares in best apps to make friends.
How do you check someone out before meeting them from an app?
Look for signs that they're a real person, ask a few specific questions about things they've mentioned, and suggest a short video call if anything feels off. On Alyke, a verified badge on a profile means that person confirmed their phone number and photos, so you can check for it before you agree to meet. If something feels wrong at any point, you can simply stop replying.
What app helps adults make friends outside work?
Alyke is a friendship app for iPhone that helps adults find new friends who share their interests, one person at a time. Profiles show up to eight interests, like Hiking, Cooking or Pickleball, each with a short sentence, along with three personality picks and prompt answers. The feed puts people with your interests and a similar personality first. Add interests you'd actually plan a weekend around, so the people you meet want the same plans.
How do adults find friends who share their interests?
On Alyke, adults find friends who share their interests by adding those interests to their profile and browsing people who added the same ones. Each interest can carry a short sentence, such as "always looking for a new trail," so you can tell how someone enjoys it. To send a friend request, you comment on one of those interests or sentences. Write your own sentences with specific details, since those are the easiest for someone to comment on.
How does Alyke work for making friends as an adult?
Alyke works in three steps: you build a profile around your interests and personality, browse the people who are closest to you on both, and comment on something in a profile you like to send a friend request. When the other person likes your vibe, you become friends and your chat opens with that comment. Every member verifies their phone number and photos. Start with a few requests to people you'd genuinely want to meet this month.
Sources
- SCOOP. Shared interests and character traits play the biggest role in friendships over time, on Cowen, Stark, Frey and Flache, Social Networks (2025).
- Hall, J. A. (2018). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Summary: University of Kansas News, 6 Mar 2018.
- Survey Center on American Life. The State of American Friendship, June 2021.
- Yale News. At first meeting, people like you more than you think, 4 Sept 2018, on Boothby, Cooney, Sandstrom and Clark, Psychological Science.
- American Psychological Association. Friends enjoy being reached out to more than we think, 11 July 2022, on Liu, Rim, Min and Min, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
