How to Turn an Acquaintance Into a Friend You Actually See

There's the coworker who makes the same joke about the coffee machine every morning, and the friend of a friend you talked to for an hour at a birthday and never saw again. Each time, someone said “we should hang out sometime,” and you both meant it.

Sometime never came. You want one of those easy hellos to become a friend you see on purpose, without forcing it. That takes a few small moves in the right order. Here they are.

Which acquaintance should you turn into a friend?

You can't turn every friendly face into a friend, so pick the one most likely to last: someone who shares an interest you could talk about for an hour, and whose personality fits yours, from the jokes you laugh at to your energy on a weeknight. The coworker who also spends Sundays at the climbing gym beats the one you only share a printer with.

The click you feel early is a good clue. Friends are already similar when they meet, University of Kansas researchers found, and they don't change each other much over time.

Will an acquaintance want to hang out with you?

Probably more than you'd guess. In experiments with more than 5,900 people, those who reached out underestimated how much it was appreciated, most of all when the two weren't close. That describes an acquaintance, so your text will land better than you fear.

And nearly half of Americans have made a new friend within the last 12 months, so plenty of the people you nod at are open to one more.

How do you go from acquaintance to friend?

With hours, mostly. It takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, Jeffrey Hall found, and hanging out counts for more than working side by side. Turn chance run-ins into chosen time, in this order.

At two hours a week, 50 hours takes about six months; add a weekend plan and it's closer to three. (See our guides to how long it takes to make a friend and how to keep adult friendships going.)

These steps work, but every one of them is on you, including the nerve to risk a polite no. If you'd rather begin with a person who already likes what you like and wants a new friend, you can skip the waiting.

The easiest way to start with something in common

Alyke is built to help you find intentional friends, one person at a time. Most friend apps hand you generic recommendations. Alyke starts your feed with the people who share your vibe the most, based on your interests and personality instead of your looks. It's the easiest start because it skips the slowest part of the steps above: finding the acquaintance worth inviting, then waiting for a shared interest to come up. On Alyke, it's on their profile before you say hello.

You fill in your interests, each with a short line. Your friend request is a reply to one of their lines or prompts. If your vibe lands with them, you're friends, and the plan is one reply away.

Questions people ask

How do you make a new friendship last?

Keep seeing each other at a pace you can both keep up, every week or two, and say yes to small plans as well as big ones. Don't wait for the other person to always reach out first. On Alyke, you become friends over something you both love, like an interest you each added to your profiles, so the next plan always has a natural theme.

What's a good first plan with an acquaintance?

Something short and specific that's tied to how you know each other, like coffee after the class you share or breakfast after a run. An hour is enough. Alyke keeps the comment that started your friendship at the top of your chat, and it usually points to the right first plan.

How do you know when an acquaintance has become a friend?

When you make plans without needing a reason, message each other about small things, and notice when they're missing. That usually takes dozens of hours together. Friendships on Alyke begin with something you have in common, so those first hours already come with a topic.

What app helps you meet people who could become close friends?

Alyke is a friendship app for iPhone that helps you meet people with real friendship potential by putting those closest to you in interests and personality first. Profiles show up to eight interests, each with a short sentence, plus three personality picks, so you can see what you'd do together before you say hi. Choose people you could see every week, since regular time is what turns someone new into a friend.

How do you meet new people who could become real friends?

Alyke's way is to start with what you have in common: you meet people through shared interests and similar personalities, so there's a reason to keep seeing each other. Add the interests you'd happily do every week, then comment on profiles that share them to send friend requests. It takes about 50 hours together to become casual friends, so plan something you can repeat.

What happens after you add someone as a friend on Alyke?

After you add someone as a friend on Alyke, they see your comment, and if they like your vibe, you become friends. Your private chat then opens with your comment at the top, so the conversation picks up right where it started. From there you can message, reply to a specific message and share GIFs. Suggest a short first plan within a week or two, while you still have plenty to talk about.

Sources

1. KU News. Study finds our desire for like-minded others is hard-wired, Feb 2016, on Bahns and Crandall, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
2. Liu, P., Rim, S., Min, L., and Min, K. (2022). The surprise of reaching out: Appreciated more than we think. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Summary: American Psychological Association, 11 Jul 2022.
3. Survey Center on American Life. The State of American Friendship, June 2021.
4. Hall, J. A. (2018). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Summary: University of Kansas News, 6 Mar 2018.