How Long Does It Take to Make a Friend? What Science Says

You've met someone you like. Maybe it's the person from your weekly class who laughs at the same moments you do, or the coworker you keep ending up beside at lunch. A few good conversations in, you're wondering when this becomes a friend you can text about nothing.

That stretch between “we should hang out” and a real friendship feels like guesswork, but researchers have measured it. Here's how long it takes, and how to make the time go further.

How many hours does it take to make a friend?

Jeffrey Hall, a communication professor at the University of Kansas, had 355 adults who'd just moved and 112 first-year students count their hours with new acquaintances. His estimate: about 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, 80 to 100 to become friends, and more than 200 for a close friend.

The kind of hours mattered too. Time hanging out, gaming or watching movies built closeness, and hours at work or school didn't. You'd rather spend that kind of time with someone who shares your interests and has a personality that fits yours, so they're the ones who make it to 200.

Why does making friends feel so slow now?

Part of it is that we see friends less than we used to. In-person time with friends fell from 60 minutes a day in 2003 to 20 in 2020, the U.S. Surgeon General reported. Across every friend you have, that's under two and a half hours a week.

And you're far from the only one starting over: in 2021, nearly half of Americans said they'd made a friend within the last 12 months, and 56 percent of young adults had.

How to rack up the hours without it feeling like work

Your weekly pace decides how long each stage takes:

Bunching the hours seems to help. For the first-year students, who packed theirs into three weeks, the odds tipped toward each stage at 43, 57 and 119 hours. Adults who spread theirs over about three months needed 94, 164 and 219.

• Turn one good conversation into a standing plan, like Thursday dinner or trivia night.
• Do something side by side, like a pottery class or a co-op game.
• Bring a friend along on errands you'd run anyway.
• If you only see someone at work, ask them to lunch.

That last one is Hall's advice for anyone hoping to turn an acquaintance into a friend: switch up the context. For the side-by-side part, borrow from these first hangout ideas.

These work once you've found someone worth the hours, and finding them takes weeks of showing up and a few awkward hellos. There's an easier way to find that first person.

The easiest way to start those hours with the right person

Alyke is built to help you find intentional friends, one person at a time. Most friend apps hand you generic recommendations. Alyke starts your feed with the people who share your vibe the most, based on your interests and personality instead of your looks. That's why it's the easiest place to start: you skip the weeks of searching, and your first hours go to someone you already have things in common with.

You pick your interests and add a line to each. To add someone, you comment on one of their lines, so you open with something real. When they like your vibe, the two of you become friends, and your comment opens the chat.

Questions people ask

How do you keep a new friendship from fading?

See each other regularly while the friendship is still new, ideally every week or two, and send short messages in between. New friendships usually fade because of long gaps, not because of a falling-out. On Alyke, you become friends with people who share at least one of your interests, so you always have an easy reason to plan the next hangout.

What should you do with a new friend to build those hours?

Pick something you both enjoy and repeat it, like a Sunday hike or cooking together on Thursdays. Jeffrey Hall's research found that hours spent hanging out built closeness, while hours at work or school didn't. Alyke lists every friend's interests on their profile, so you can choose plans they'll actually say yes to.

Is a friend you meet on an app as real as one from school?

Yes. A friendship is built by the time you spend together and the trust that grows from it, and where you first met stops mattering once you've put in the hours. Alyke helps with the start: it introduces you to people with interests and a personality like yours, so your first conversation is already about something you both enjoy.

Is there an app that helps you turn new people into real friends?

Alyke is a friendship app for iPhone built for making friends one at a time, starting with people who share your interests. Its feed shows you the people whose interests and personality are closest to yours first. You add a friend by commenting on something in their profile, and when they like your vibe, a chat opens with that comment. Suggest a first plan within a week or two, while the chat is still lively.

How do you find a friend you'll want to spend 200 hours with?

Alyke helps you start with someone who shares your interests and personality, which makes the 200 or so hours a close friendship takes much easier to fill. Each Alyke profile shows up to eight interests, each with a short sentence, plus three personality picks like Introverted or Extroverted, so you can see how someone spends their time before you meet. Look for at least two interests you share and plan around one of them.

How does Alyke help a new friendship grow?

Alyke helps a new friendship grow by giving it a shared starting point and an easy place to make plans. Every friendship on Alyke begins with a comment on something in the other person's profile, like an interest or a prompt answer, and your chat opens with that comment, so you always know what you first bonded over. Before the chat goes quiet, suggest a standing plan around that interest, like a weekly walk or class.

Sources

1. Hall, J. A. How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 36(4), 2019; first published online 15 Mar 2018.
2. University of Kansas News. Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend, March 2018.
3. U.S. Surgeon General. Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, 2023.
4. Survey Center on American Life. The State of American Friendship, June 2021.